It's not about him



I was talking to my mama on the phone yesterday, routine stuff. Ya’ know, she asked about the baby I asked her about my siblings nothing out of the ordinary. Randomly (or maybe not so randomly) a girl we both know who I last heard of was pregnant came up in our conversation. The last time I heard about this particular person was long ago enough for there to had been a birth by now. When I asked her how things were going my mom just said she wasn’t pregnant anymore so my natural assumption would be she had the baby. She had not had the baby. “Oh no did she have a miscarriage?” Nope my mother answered. She began to tell me how the girl was so young still in high school and she knew the father was not going to be around so she got an abortion. The conversation continued like nothing out of the ordinary, routine stuff.

I haven’t been able to shake this girl, her baby or her abortion. I barely know her. I haven’t forgotten and it has been on my mind ever since. The sad reality is that abortions are ordinary and almost routine. The reason this story has stayed with me, the reason I care is because it isn't just this girl's story. She represents many young women.

This notion of the father not being around as a reason to abort our babies, it hurts. It hurts because I too once contemplated the same thing. I remember freaking out, breaking down and not knowing what I would choose. I too was a single, jobless, pregnant woman with a foggy future. I remember making it all about him but it isn’t about him.

Now let’s be clear, this doesn’t let him off the hook. This doesn’t mean that men shouldn’t be accountable for their decisions and choices. My heart breaks when I read about or meet young women still struggling from a past abortion because they were afraid of possibly doing it all alone. My insides cringe when they say the words, “I wish I would have kept my baby”. In retrospect it’s not about him it’s about you. It’s about this precious baby who is going to bless your socks off. Life can be chosen even if it’s chosen alone.




It is nothing short of scary when you have a baby growing inside of you and you have no money and no plan.

To say it is painful is an understatement when you are carrying the child of a man who rejects you and no longer wants you around.

Discouragement and shame runs deep when people remind you that this isn’t how your life was suppose to turn out.

But there is hope

There is peace

There is joy

Because it’s not about him but it’s about Him

God who sees you

The Lord who isn’t surprised by your pregnancy

The faithful father who does not cast you and your growing baby out of his presence but wants to scoop you up in his arms

The sovereign king who is not mad at you but loves you madly

He is with you

He is for you

He loves you

Because He loves you

Because He loves you

Because He loves you

Because that's just who HE is ...

So if you’re carrying a baby and you know you will be faced with doing it alone

If you are contemplating an abortion because he has made it clear he will not be there

If you are angry, ashamed and nursing a broken heart, choose life and choose Him

There is beauty on the other side BUT FIRST you must walk through the storm

Rejoice! you never walk alone.


p.s: Check out the "You Are Life Movement" they do amazingly beautiful things for unwed mothers!

If you know any resources that can help unwed moms to be please feel free to post in the comments section! xoxo