Embracing the Season of Singleness Part 1: Allow God to Fill the Void

Embracing the Season of Singleness Part 1:
Allow God to Fill the Void

Let me just begin by saying I am super excited about this topic called Embracing the season of Singleness. At first this was going to be one article, however thanks to Abba I’ve come to realize that this issue of the single life and embracing this season of singleness is not something that can be summed up in one simple article. I plan to take my time with this topic. Singleness is really misery for some females. I would also be a female who doesn’t enjoy being single if it wasn’t for my relationship with God and all the things He has taught me. Part 1 of Embracing the season of Singleness is all about relationship!! Allow God to fill the void through communication and intimate relationship with your King and eternal husband.

For your royal husband delights in your beauty; honor him, for he is your lord.
-  Psalms 45:11

God created us emotional beings and as women God has also created us as beings that desire communication and deep intimate relationships. When you desire to be close to someone and when you desire to communicate with someone on a very real and intimate level God recognizes and understands that because He has placed that desire in your heart when He created you. What we must understand is that the right thing with the wrong person breads pain. I say that because all too often we take that desire and completely abuse it. We abuse it by going from guy to guy, allowing men into our lives that devalue us, staying with guys who are so insecure that they can’t even begin to grasp our worth and the list continues all for the sake of having intimate communication and relationships. Don’t misunderstand what I am saying at all there is nothing wrong with wanting to have a husband to have intimate relationships and communications with. I am saying that it is wrong for us to think for one second that if we are miserable a husband will make us happy, if we feel unloved a husband will make us feel loved, if we are insecure affirmation from a guy will completely boost our self-esteem and whatever other problem you think your husband will fix. The problem with those theories is that those feelings that you are basing your identity and worth on are with someone who is temporary. Despite how much you love them and how much they claim to love you they are still a temporary being. They can die any minute. He can decide to up and leave you at any minute. God created you to be in constant deep and intimate communication and relationship with Him!!! That burning desire you have to be loved and pursued God put in your heart so he can love and pursue you!! God will never leave, and will never die. God longs for you to have an endless and eternal love. God is casting for His eternal love story the greatest one of all time and He wants YOU to be his leading lady!!

Voids …

Hating the fact that you are single to the point where you desperately need to escape from it is not the root problem it is a result of the root problem. Feeling the need to go see or call some guy when you are lonely is not the root problem but a result of the root problem. Staying with a guy who treats you anything short of God’s best all because you don’t want to be single is not the root problem but the result of the root problem.
Example: Roots in the ground sprout up a tree the tree has branches. Breaking the branches off of a tree will not do much because all though the branch will be broken for a while that branch will eventually grow back. The only real way to ensure the branch never returns is to dig the tree up from its roots!
Your roots are your void and your void planted a seed inside of you and it grew and became a tree of void inside of you. That tree of void inside of you has many branches. One of those branches is the “I need a man” branch. You can either water your tree of void and make it grow bigger and stronger by using temporary and unhealthy things to make you ‘feel’ good or you can dig the tree up for the roots by entering into a very real and intimate relationship with your eternal husband and King and allow Him to restore you and fill that void wholly!

What’s Your Personal Void …?

Think about the times when it is hardest for you to be content with being single. Think about the times when you run to guys who you know you shouldn’t have anything to deal with? At that moment in your life what is missing? What do you need at that moment? Maybe you need a hug, a touch, someone to affirm you, someone to talk to; maybe it is as simple as just being in the presence of another human being. Think about the times when you’re at a fork in the road and one road leads to a man while the other road leads to God when you seek the man instead of God what are you looking to be fulfilled? These answers might come easy for some of you while others may have to pray and ask God to reveal their void/voids to them. Sometimes our void isn’t singular but plural. Our voids could be a combination of pain, loneliness, and insecurity and various other emotions. God sees your void and He desires to fill your void! He is your King, best friend, eternal husband, healer, boyfriend, your EVERYTHING! God is extremely infatuated with you and is concerned with every single part of your being especially those empty spaces in your heart. God loves you so much and SO desires to fill you with His unfailing, never ending, eternal, satisfying, and healing LOVE!

The Void We All Have …
There is a space in your heart that says reserved. That spot in your heart is not reserved for your passion no matter how grand that passion might be that reserve sign has not been placed for material bliss no matter how cute those Louboutin’s shoes are or how much you love fashion that reserve sign can not be removed by anything store brought. Your husband all though he will love you and add bliss to your life that reserved sign on that special part of your heart can not be removed by saying ‘I do’ to a man but by saying ‘I do’ to God … your eternal husband and lover of your soul! God has placed that desire for us to have a satisfying love in our hearts not so we can long for a husband or for us to fill ourselves with things and people who aren’t beneficial but God placed that reserved sign on that special area of your heart so only He can fill it and so you can desire the perfect love that only He can give.

A  Never Ending Love Story …

I am constantly amazed by the book of Genesis time and time again because there are various deep topics and amazing things God does in Genesis that can easily be overlooked if not read carefully. The story of creation in Genesis is one we are all familiar with however we over look something extremely important that God did when He created Eve. In Genesis 2:20 - 2:22 we see that God seen Adam alone with no helper so He made Eve while Adam was sleeping. Before God presented Eve to Adam He made her whole first, God breathed the breath of life into her and then He presented her to Adam. God desires to do the same thing with you. There is so much God wants to restore in your life, things about Him He would like to settle in your heart and things about your worth and identity He wants to teach you. God wants you to walk in your identity as His princess and crowned jewel, He wants you to know what real authentic love feels like, He wants you to not just claim the Christian title but He desires for you to be in daily pursuit of Him as He daily pursues you all the days of your life. The only way to be in this type of relationship with God is to focus on Him!! Our season of singleness is our time to fall in love with the lover of our soul and focus on Him and only Him. When we are so consumed with being married and falling in love with a man on unhealthy circumstances that is our focus rather than embracing the fact that the lover of our soul is daily pursuing us even when we ignore him for weeks … sometimes months … maybe even years God is still pursuing us because He loves you so much. I can’t wait for you to get a clear understanding of how much you are truly loved!!!

The bible tells us that death and life are set before us and we have to choose however God does hint at us to choose life. You can choose to live in death which is simply separation from the father while you seek cheap substitutes and settle for less than God’s best or you can say yes to God and enter into His eternal love story as His leading lady choosing to wait for God to send the man He has for you at His perfect timing and under healthy circumstances. You might think because you’ve accepted Christ that this doesn’t apply to you but don’t be so sure. Just because you say yes to Jesus doesn’t mean you are walking in relationship with God automatically. Jesus warns us in the New Testament that there will be people who will think they were living for Him and doing things in His name but He will say to them “I never knew you”. My question is do you know Him? Who do you go to first in times of trouble? Maybe you were like me at one point you were in constant communication with God but there were certain aspects of your life that you kept hidden from Him. Not that anything can ever be hidden from God but you wouldn’t give those voids up to Him. You talk to God about everything under the sun except for what concerns you most … your voids. There is one thing that God desires from all of us in order for our relationship with Him to be beneficial and that is that we be REAL with Him! Truth be told God already knows everything about you He is just waiting for you to give Him your ashes so He can give you beauty.

Come Back Home

God has tugged at your heart and has said over and over to you “come” and you’ve decided to enter into this eternal love story with God.
Idles are anything that we have put in place of God or anything and anyone we put above God. When we chase men in hopes of being loved we make that man our idle because we unconsciously say ‘Your words and emotions weigh so heavily in my life that you have the power to affect how I feel about myself, and you’re love for me is what I will base my identity and worth on’ all the while ignoring God’s perfect love and His words that hold our TRUE identity and worth. Repentance isn’t just asking for forgiveness and being forgiven by God through the blood of Jesus but repentance says I apologize and I am willing to make a change. After you repent from something the idea is that you should turn away from that thing. Repentance means to go back to the high place. God is the high place!


Okay so now you’ve decided you’re sick of chasing guys and using them to fill your voids, you’ve repented for putting God second place in your life now what?!? A good friend said to me today (who happens to be a man lol) that there is a different between living single and surviving single. Virtuous daughters of the king don’t survive single we LIVE single. Embrace and enjoy this season because you will never get this time back. Singleness is not a curse it is a blessing so how about we start treating it as such! This is the time God wants to teach you so much about who He is and how much you’re worth. If we would get a hold of how valuable we are we would never ever settle again!! I’m not talking about just knowing what God says about you but really grasping and understanding your worth as God’s Princess … WOAH! We would be unstoppable. God has so much to teach you concerning your worth if only would focus on Him. Are you tuned into the voice of God or are you so hooked on finding a man that you ignore God daily?
Regardless of whatever you have done in the past it is a new day and you have repented (even if you repented five minutes ago it is a new day!). Now it’s time to hold on tight and position yourself for God to take you on the ride of your live in perfect romance …

A New Kind of Relationship

God is the COOL! Your relationship with God was meant to be fun and fabulous! God wants to not only heal your broken heart, fill your voids and wipe your tears but He wants to be creative with you, laugh with you, and go to the spa with you He wants to be your everything!!! Jesus came so that we have life and life abundantly!! Jesus came to infiltrate every part of your life not just your spiritual well being but He wants you to go on dates with Him, shop with Him, Jesus wants you to say “what should I wear today” to Him. He wants to be your best friend, boyfriend, financial advisor, personal stylist, counselor, and so on and so on.

So with the help of some very insightful friends I have come up with this list of cool ways and activities you can do with God as you develop a relationship with God as your EVERYTHING!!!

Audio Bible & Your Gift – I hate to sit still for a long period of time I am extremely hyper lol. No joke! So for me to sit still and read the bible drives me insane. One day I bought a book of the bible on iTunes in audio bible format and read my bible at the same time and my experience was amazing!! Why? Because as I was reading and listening I was also getting very clear and vivid images in my head and it was as if I was there in the bible! It was fabulous! Take it up a notch as you listen to the audio bible if you are artsy like me then try painting as you listen to God’s word I’ve never tried this because God just gave me this idea but I am super excited about trying this really soon!!!

Date Nights – This is SO not my idea and I totally wish I could take credit for it but I can’t lol. (Credit to Heather Canter). Cook dinner and have dinner with God. Talk to Him as you eat. Tell Him about your day, tell Him what’s on your heart and mind. This opens the door for you to be completely real and openly honest with God about what’s going on with you. He knows anyway!  This helps rekindle the flame about you and God. Take it up a notch and try doing this at least twice a week during dinner time. As you dine with your king and eternal husband don’t just talk but sit in the stillness and allow God to speak to you.

Keeping Up the Physique – If you are a jogger, power walker, or someone who is just a tree hugger and loves to be in nature (like me) why not take God along with you. He’s already there but are you embracing Him? Rather than blasting our iPods in our ears as we take our walks and do our morning or evening jogs why not talk to God and let Him talk to you. God loves to see His daughters be fabulous stewards as we take care of our bodies and wants to be apart of that experience. Embrace God’s presence as you take care of your temple.

These are just a couple of ideas don’t be afraid to try new things J

It’s Application Time

Now it’s time to apply these things to your life!!! My prayer each time I write is that this will encourage you to be virtuous and help you get closer to God. If you have any questions you know you can always reach me at chantalparmley@bevirtue.com and if you’ve enjoyed this article and wants to sing your praises (lol) you can send a message to feedback@bevirtue.com remember feedback is fabulous! You are more than a conqueror and so loved by the king. No matter how deep your void is or how many voids you have God is ready, able, willing, and more than big enough to fill them simply because He loves you and He wants you as His leading lady in His never ending love story!!!

Your Sister Chantal